The Machets’ Blog

After time, your computer will inevitably get slower. In order to speed things up, there are a few things you can do. The first may be caused because of adware, spyware or viruses. You can clean your computer by following the steps in this article.

The next thing you should do is to run the built in Disc Cleanup Wizard on Windows XP. Go to Start > All Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disc Cleanup. Choose the drive you want to clean up and press OK. Then, choose what you want to get rid of. The Temporary (and Internet) Files are good starts, along with emptying the recycle bin. Your choices should be based on the way you use your computer.

After your computer has been ‘cleaned up,’ use the Disc Defragmenter. This program reorganises the pieces of information on your computer so they can be better used and accessed faster. Go to Start > All Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disc Defragmenter. Then, choose scan frive. Next, your computer will tell you whether it is any good to defragment your computer and you will be able to then defragment it.

Consider using these two programs monthly or every two months, but ensure you run a spyware and virus scan every week.

Lost in the Darnest Places
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried. The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.” A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” He says. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.”

Family
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

Post removed due to inaccuracies.

As you know, Microsoft Office doesn’t come cheap. There are some little known competitors that may charge a lower price, but the best way to go around high prices is to get the free Open Office. Open Office has many of the features of Office 2003 Standard Edition, including a word processer, spreadsheet application and presentation tool. It also has other features such as a pdf creater. As far as I know, the program can read and write to Microsoft Office files (ie file.doc). If you get the software, please leave a comment and tell everyone how you think it is.

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word ‘tragedy’. So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” says Bush, “that would be an ACCIDENT.”

A little girl raises her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.” “I am afraid not,” explains Mr President. “That’s what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. “Isn’t there someone who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, way back in the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr & Mrs Bush, were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, by a terrorist such as Osama Bin Laden, that would be a tragedy.” “Excellent!” exclaims Bush, “that is correct. And can you tell my why that would be a TRAGEDY?” “Well,” says the little boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would not be a great loss.”

Viruses are a common threat to the everyday user. Viruses are pieces of software that can cause mass destruction to your computer and information.

Another less known threat to your computer is spyware and adware. You may have noticed that your computer has been running slowly recently, or that ads pop up on your screen even when you’re not using or connected to the internet. Your computer may be infected with such programs. Spyware can be the most dangerous type of infection. Spyware sits on your computer without your knowledge and collects information about your web usage. This is a very big problem with credit card and other sensitive information. Basically, the small program stays on your computer without your knowledge and tells its host (ie a credit card fraud site) your information. By having these hidden programs running, your computer runs slower because it the programs take up memory. There is a way to keep your computer clean and faster, read on to find out more. The second type of threat adware. This too takes up memory and slows your computer, but it also shows advertisements at random intervels which can be very annoying. Ads are shown regardless of whether you are connected to the internet or not. Such programs can also take over your web browser, known as browser hijacking.

The trouble with adware and spyware is that unlike viruses (to some extent) you do not know if they are on your computer because they install automatically when you visit certain web pages. The only way to remove them is to use a free antispyware program such as Ad-aware or Microsoft AntiSpyware. Both programs are very good. You can get Ad-aware here or Defender (Formely AntiSpyware) on the Microsoft website.

Antispyware and antivirus software are two seperate programs, so you need to have two programs guarding your computer. We recommend getting McAfee Antivirus and Windows Defender because the two programs can scan in real time and alert you if any unwanted programs appear. Good luck on having a secure computer!

Edit: Change of product name (Microsoft AntiSpyware is now Windows Defender).

“Pallywood,” A short film by Richard Landes.

This is quite a serious yet interesting video that will get you thinking. For something similar, take a look at Photo Fraud.

To view this video in Windows Media (wmv) format, click here.

Edit 20/8/06: Various changes.

Google is always coming up with new programs and additions to its site. To see what they are working on, you can go to labs.google.com and click on something you want to see. Please be advised that the new projects are in BETA, meaning that they are being tested and are not completely ready for release or have not been fully intergrated into their services. BETA projects may have bugs or give errors, but generally these problems are small and the services can be used quite well.

The Microsoft Network (MSN) also have a technology playground which showcases Microsoft’s latest projects. You can visit the MSN Sandbox at sandbox.msn.com. You may notice some of their projects are quite similar to Google’s. Take a look and let us know what you think by leaving a comment to this post.

UPDATE: Yahoo! also has such a page, with some original and innovative ideas. Simply go to next.yahoo.com and have a look around. Most of the new technologies on Yahoo! Next are online at the time of writing so you won’t have to install anything.

One day, two blondes went shopping at a local mall. When they were finished, they went outside to their car, which happened to be a convertible.

When they reached the car, they realized that they had locked the keys inside. So they both stood there and started thinking. They came up with the idea to try and open the car with a hanger. So one of them starts fiddling with the lock and the hanger. The other blonde looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.

“HURRY, HURRY,” she urges. “IT’S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!”